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accents accident accurate addiction airports allusion alphabetizing anti-depressants art autechre Avis BEATS Benjamin binaries biological birds blood bodies boundaries bowflex bowie brainfeeder Brazil breaking addiction bricolage bye Canadians cats celebrity look-alike christianity. metaphysics cigarettes classical music clement greenberg cliche coincidence coldplay collage collective color creeps curating cycles dada daft punk daughters death depression Derrida descartes detroit dictionary discuss feelings disguise drama dreams eating el mundo elephants envelopes erotic ethics everything. explanation fashion fathers fear filters flesh flowers flying lotus food Francis Bacon freak friends fuck games Gertrude Stein ghosts girl cops girl talk goat God graduate school grammar guilt haiku Hegel history homage horror humor hymn hypocrisy ice icons indie rock indie rock is dead internet irony it jay-z jealousy John Manning kitsch kraftwerk language lcd soundsystem letters like lists literally writing love mac man ray Manchester meaning memory men metal milk monks moral schizophrenia names nashville nietzsche noise non-poems nonsense numbers objects of montreal painting Panamanians panties paradox patience personality disorder philosophy piano pills platonic forms poetry lessons prefix professional psychological trauma symptomatic of a broken space-time continuum punk puppy puzzles quotation recognition regret reincarnation remix repetition review riffz RJD2 Russians sacrifice sad sampling sex sisters sketch skull smoking solitude sounds space spelling splitting steel guitar stoicism stoned suicide syllables tag technology THE 80s the creative process the distressed The Field theology thesis time trembling twin ugly update voice voyeurism wolves women worms year of the rabbit

Saturday, November 5, 2011

end end

Hi,

I don't know if anyone still checks this - I'm looking at you, several crazy stalkers. Oh, we've had some good times.

Rather than delete coalesque, I have decided to let it settle into the infinite internet, where in 10 years I will look at it with the same jaded sentimentality I feel when look at my decades-old journals.

Often people - strangers, friends - would ask what my blog was doing. >>

Coalesque was a catalogue of my emotional experience in graduate school. This was a traumatic period of life for me. Studying theology as an agnostic was more difficult than I anticipated. Furthermore, throughout this graduate experience I was unable (physically, mentally) to express the very deep love I had for someone. The psychological ramifications of these trials are still in the process of being resolved.

Writing remains the lonely passion of my life. Most of it I am doing in my head now, and reading more.

I recently finished Murakami's "The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle," and woke up yesterday with a blue mark on my face, just like the main character. I received a message on my phone that I could only access for one second before it disappeared. People are exiting my life in superficial ways and entering them through my dreams. The more books I read, the more things make sense on the inside, even if the external world is beginning to confuse me. But inside - inside ends are showing me their means, and the connective tissues between spirits and atoms are glowing like haunted cartoon DNA.

I will always be a judgmental person because I have made it a point to master the (perhaps arbitrary) qualifying systems of ethics and aesthetics. On that low point, here's the closing remark:



the secrets you keep to yourself, are the most sacred parts of you.

transparency is just that - a spectre.



a summation of the last two anda half years>>>>>>>>

bye>>>>>>>>

kk

2 footnotes:

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