borderline fashion gesture: whimsical/suggestive

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wordless chorus

What Happened This Time

Venturing back to my elementary school with a hangglider and half a hill, encountered a depressing carnival; left out the back. Old dance-dates working the booths? Unless you heard my mixtape, I'll leave.


Street-parked my shining silver Lexus SUV. Forgot which one it was. Thankfully the mother and children also leaving the mess pointed it out to me.

"Where are you going?" she asked me.

"To find a mountain to jump off it."

Not wanting to annunciate any suicidal tendencies I motioned to the hang glider in the passenger side.

"Oh, that's something you would do," she responded with an awkward smile, stressing the "would."

Climbed in the car. Astonished to find I had parked facing the wrong direction, thus my SUV faced the bullets of heavy oncoming traffic.

"I will turn around in this nursing home parking lot," I decided.

Parking lots textured more textured than I remember, but manuevering that car wasn't difficult. As I exited I felt the softest touch I've ever felt on my forearm from the passenger.

I jumped in my seat because I hadn't been transporting a passenger.

"You?!"

It was, it was me. A beautiful copy.

"You must be a hallucination," she said.

"A friend!" she said.

I had already decided I was real and she the hallucination, but then again we weren't in the car anymore and the spatial qualifiers of "driver" and "passenger" ceased to help me organize myself.

What was I concerned about? I must have been someone else as I tried to seduce her. Immediately rejected I thought of a new plan.

"No one is going to think you're real! They will see me talking to you and it will just be like I'm talking to myself."

We sat among a group of friends (I guess they were friends) as I talked to myself. "Can you see her?" I yelled. "It's another me!"

No one said anything.

Dirty Dream no.2

I feel asleep in a familiar place for what was about to occur and perhaps that particular spot summoned an overlapping memory at any rate that's where the entire dream unfolded.

As early back as I can remember we embraced and I clumsily knocked something hard to obtain and costing you money into your lap; you effortlessly saved the prize and refilled the small capsule with what for some reason mattered to us.

Kissing you was desperation and I felt more eagerness from you which was strange because I always feel the more uncontrolled one; not used to feel like this anyway but I do now only with you.

Only you weren't you you were someone else who had came before. The arms which had just clung to your neck like tentacles released - no, pushed you away in disgust. I stared at you in horrible disbelief. Though you appeared identical inside I knew who you were.

You knew it too and smiled that smile I die when I see it I die. Now however now your insides taint that beautiful smile and you keep making very time-specific facial expressions each wonderful in a new and painful way. I want to suck them up for in my other life you are gone so much.

Mmmm skyscraper I love you - ringing in my ears (turned out to be the sizzling of a steak some bitch frying on the tele my god what a repulsive image to wake to my god). Strangled in a blanket (both instances) I fell off the couch.

I thought how to get you out of my house, my parents were upstairs. Hello they would tell you. But it's not really him it's him I'd say, as if this would explain why you weren't where I told them you were and neither were you especially not here.

Not gotten to the idea of hiding you near the furnace I actually woke. Oh god I thought oh god I am never taking a nap again because I dream so deep into my real thoughts, not like a runaway imagination but an imaginative run of real thoughts.

Really I told you though far (you're all far, all far from me) I don't compare I don't want anyone to get into my overlapping mastrubatory thoughts and late afternoon dreams one lunatic is enough one goddamned lunatic was enough and two was unlucky three a fucked up coincidence and four well four, well fuck you god I am starting to think it's me that's fucking you up, all of you.